why it feels so chaotic (it's supposed to)
Your newborn's internal clock, the thing that eventually makes night feel like night, is not really online yet. It starts developing around three to four months. Before that, day and night are genuinely meaningless to them, which is why a beautiful evening routine can be met with a baby who is wide awake and delighted at 3am. They are not confused and you are not failing. In the womb there was no day or night either. They are running on the only system they have, which is feed, sleep, repeat, roughly every couple of hours.
"he only sleeps on me. have i ruined it?"
No. And this is the worry I most want to take off your plate. Contact naps, feeding to sleep, rocking, the swing, in the first few months these are tools, not failures. Assisted sleep is simply what newborn sleep is. You have not created a habit you will pay for later, and you do not need to be training a newborn to self-settle. If you want to plant a gentle seed, you can occasionally lay them down drowsy for a moment before they are fully out and scoop them right back up if they fuss. No waiting it out, no stakes. But that is a bonus, not a requirement, and skipping it costs you nothing.
the one thing that does help now
Contrast. You cannot set a newborn's clock with a schedule, but you can give it the signal it is waiting for. Daytime bright, chatty, normal household noise, feeds out in the light. Nighttime as dark and boring as you can stand, a warm dim amber light rather than anything white or blue, minimal talking. You are not enforcing anything. You are just showing the clock which way is up, and it does the rest over the coming weeks. Keeping wake windows short helps too, though at this age you are mostly watching for the yawn and moving.
Feeding, weight gain, reflux, or anything that looks like physical discomfort are medical, and they are your pediatrician's, not a sleep question. A lot of what disrupts newborn sleep is actually one of those, which is exactly why the line matters.
When you are ready to move from surviving to a real rhythm, usually as your baby moves toward and past the three-month mark, that is what a custom plan is built for. Until then, the goal is genuinely just: keep everyone fed, safe, and as rested as a newborn allows. That is not a low bar. That is the whole job right now.
quick answers
Why does my newborn have day and night confused?
Their circadian clock does not come online until around three to four months, so before that day and night mean nothing to them. Bright, active days and dark, boring nights teach the clock the difference over the coming weeks.
Is it bad if my newborn only sleeps on me?
No. Contact naps and assisted sleep are normal and expected in the first months. They are tools, not habits you will have to undo later.
Can you sleep train a newborn?
No. Under about three to four months it is sleep shaping, gentle rhythm and habits, not training. Independent sleep training comes later, when your baby is developmentally ready.
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